The Royal Court?

As Americans we seem to be put in the spotlight a lot. Every time we are taken somewhere with our internships, or go to any sort of meeting, we are put in the front. Sometimes it’s not awful, but sometimes it’s beyond awful. Today was the worst. I felt like a medieval member of the court with all the commoners watching us. The prison was having a sports day. I arrived late and almost wasn’t going to show up. Luckily, I got to see part of it and then they had the prizes. But they led us over to the platform area where the program coordinator and the head prison guard were sitting. And we were to sit by them. Everyone watching the game was sitting on the ground. That wasn’t terrible. But when the game ended, they had everyone gather in a big circle around the area in which we were sitting. Everything is pretty formal around here anyway. Every event has a program and some sort of agenda. And each person speaks and they have us say a few words every time as well. It’s all rather obnoxious. But the worst part today was that I didn’t even want to be there. I already felt out of place at the prison. And every time I’m there I’m at the front of a group of men who are sitting on the ground. I want to just sit on the ground with them and we chat, casually and enjoy each other’s company. But that’s not how it works. Well, today was awkward because it was the end of the games. Everyone was having fun. Then they got together and we had a program. I really honestly felt, and not happily, that I was a member of the medieval court and they had just finished with some sort of sporting event and were waiting for us to congratulate them. Which we were congratulating them, but why did we have to be sitting in the front? Why did it have to be so formal? It was awkward. And I felt uncomfortable. I don’t want people to think I’m just there for the attention. I don’t want them to think I am better than them, or them think that I feel as though I am. I am most certainly not. I am another human being just like them. I can sit in the dirt too. I can get muddy. I can be okay with things – just cuz I’m white doesn’t mean I’m breakable. Let me get my own chair, let me sit on the ground too, just let me attempt to fit in. We all know I don’t and I never will, but don’t make me stick out like a sore thumb even more than I already do. Sheesh!!